Our paths crossed in a certain place and at the right moment of our lives. We've met through our mutual friend - Ms. J. She's my college friend, and Mr. Js' high-school perk.
After our PE Class of Dec-♥-2005 Saturday, Ms. J was too persuasive if I could accompany her to watch a movie - Harry Potter Goblet of Fire. I really don't want go because, first - I am not a HP fan. Second - I want to rest. And lastly - I don't have enough money left aside for my transportation allowance of 20.00php. Those are facts, and not just alibis. Hehe! =P
Going home while we were riding on a jeepney, I was about to tell the driver to drop me off, but due to her pursuance, she told the driver not to stop.
"Go straight please, don't drop her off, she will accompany me. I'll just add the remaining balance of her fare."
Then Ms. J held my hand so tight while saying that: "Don't worry, you'll not regret this. Please Please accompany me? Please? I'll shoulder all our expenses, all you have to do is just enjoy the day. Tomorrow is weekend anyways? We don't have class."
I just responded her with a deeeeeeeep siggghhhhhh, saying: "Okay. Okay. Okay. You'll shoulder everything today since I don't have any money left with me."
Ms. J promptly responded me with: "My treat! Thank you Thank you!" (With Big Smile and Stars in her Eyes) HAHA! She's really a die-hard-harry-potter-fan.
Well, even if I am too frustrated about what she did, I just let it pass so I could not ruin her day and excitement. As what the saying goes: "That's what friends are for right?" HEHE! =P
At the mall, after we finished our meals, we've decided to meet her all-boy-high-school-perks that will join us to watch the movie. Yes, all-boys. That's her main reason why she kept on pushing me to go with her, because she'll be one-of-the-boys again in their group.
When were walking towards our meeting place, Ms. J finally saw her perks from afar. She waved her hands so they can notice us. From afar, I saw a group of 3 teenage boys waiting for us to come close. One of them caught my attention and stood out to my sight - Mr. J. Maybe because he was the tallest among them and he's wearing a blue colored shirt which is my favorite one.
I became agitated when we finally reached the exact meeting place. I didn't know why and what's happening to me then. Ms. J started to introduce us one by one. From Mr. E, then Mr. P, and lastly to Mr. J. When Mr. J and I shook hands, I rapidly removed my hand from him in millisecond. Yes, that fast. It felt awkward for me when we touched. I got too nervous, yet trying to be calm. I am familiar with that feeling - it SPARKED out of me, but I didn't tolerate it. I really don't want to feel it that time.
I just whispered at the back of my head this question since then: "Lord God, what's your plan again? I've been through a very deep pain and I know you witnessed it - I almost lost control when my heart got broken the last time. I don't like this feeling please."
During movie time, it was a jam-packed cinema overly filled with Harry Potter Fans. We opted to seat on the left area, just 3 rows away from the movie screen. Yeah, a total stiff neck. Ouch! But still glad because we still had an area for us to occupy with. I sat on the 2nd seat of our row. On my right was Ms. J and on my left was Mr. A - their late perk (as always, as they tease him). Mr A is the closest to Ms. J, they used to talk and share stories a lot. They kept on chatting before the movie started. Since I am seated in between them, I voluntarily asked if they want to switch seats with me. Ms. J accepted my offer, as long as we're still seated beside each other.
Seats changed. I fully rested my back on my new seat, 'til i found out that the man on my right was Mr. J. I didn't have any idea since it's dark inside the movie house. My nerves and my heart beat became active and I felt the same feeling again that I used to avoid few minuted ago after we shook hands.
I know Mr. J wants to talk to me during that time, maybe to introduce himself more properly. I often caught him staring at me at some point during our walks after we watched the movie. He also kept on following me when we were strolling inside the malls' department store.
On our way home, each of us parted ways, saying goodbye and thank yous for a day-well-spent. Before Ms. J dropped off, I borrowed her mobile phone because I need to send a message to my mom. After sending, I know it's not right to invade someone's privacy but I looked after Mr. J's mobile number. I tried to memorize his 11-digit number and told my self secretly that: "I have a feeling that he will ask Ms. J for my number and will send me a message soon." Too much confidence made me crazy. I had to shut my inner gut feel up because of that thought. HAHA!
Mr. J's first text message came last December-20-2005 asking if we could be friends.
I replied to him: "Why? Why me?"
He responded: "Maybe because I have a crush on you."
Yay! I almost jumped out of my seat after reading his respond. See? My gut feel was never wrong the moment I secretly memorized his number the day we first met. =P
I know Mr. J and I had the same feeling. We both SPARKED.
After getting to know each other more, he's very patient and courted me for half a year. Even before we became an official couple, we've been through a lot of ups and downs already. I don't want to commit wholeheartedly, while he's willing to take a chance. I am afraid to fall in love all over again, and will get broken into pieces when things won't work. But Mr. J was persuasive, he's too willing to give it a try to avoid regrets.
We've almost given up when were still in the middle of courtship. We always opposed each others' point of views. I just want us to be mutual, but he wants to commit seriously. I was afraid to risk again, yet he's willing to give his all.
'Til one day, Mr. J was gone, everything stopped in a blink of an eye. He didn't communicate even. He's not replying to my messages. These last few words I heard straight from him when I called him during his June birthday broke me into tears: "Sorry A, but I think, I am not ready yet to have a girlfriend." It's a sudden transition that I am not used to. I missed him - a lot. I had full of regrets since I didn't give him chance to try. I felt lost once again and this time, it's mainly my fault.
I woke up one morning with these thoughts: "Why shouldn't I give it a try? All I need is to have a courage to express what I really feel inside. I need to stop wondering for buts and what ifs. I need to be strong and make a stand for the sake of my unexpressed feelings. Because if I won't, I will probably lost the love of my life - forever. Yes, I love him. I love him too much that I can't contain the pain of losing him."
I always found myself inside the church, talking to God.
Asking for Signs. Crying a lot of times. Praying so hard.
"God, if Mr. J is the one that You've chosen for me, please let him realize that I am now ready. Let him know that I can now love him the way he wanted to be loved without hesitations. Please bring him back to me."
The last sign I asked to God was: "If Mr. J will not come back before August-01-2006, I will no longer wait for him. I will now face the reality that maybe we're not really meant to be together. I will give up on him, and finally move forward with my life - all alone."
Midnight of July 20th, and I am still wide awake - listening to some sort of love songs, reminiscing, when I received an unexpected text message saying:
"A, sorry for being a bad guy these past few months. I tried so hard to understand your feelings but I came to a point where I can't really handle what you are up to. I decided to stop and give you space, maybe that way you can realize things and your feelings towards me. By doing that, I am hurt too - because I have to fight and hold my own feelings for you. I wondered because I am the one who had a realization. I still love you, and nothing has changed. Now, I am willing to understand you as a whole and wait for you until such time that you are ready to love me back without fear. If you have time and if you want to, get to see me this coming Sunday - let's hear a mass together at 4:30 PM. Sorry again for hurting you. I Love You so Much A."
I cried while reading this message from him, tears of joy that finally - he's coming back to me once more. And I am sure this time, I will not let it pass.
God is so great for answering all of my prayers and gave the signs that I've asked for. By then, I didn't even think twice. I learned to let go all of the hesitations and put my trust to the Man-Up-Above.
I gave Mr. J my "Sweetest Yes" way back July-30-2006, inside a church where I always prayed for God's guidance when it comes to love decisions. As per my last sign, that was a day before August-01-2006. =)
God has his own ways of surprising us.
There's a saying that: "If it's bound to happen, it will surely happen. No matter how you refuse and avoid it. That is WILL OF GOD."
The rest of our story up until now will become our history that we will always treasure all trough the waking days of our lives. =)
xoxo,
AnJ ♥
I became agitated when we finally reached the exact meeting place. I didn't know why and what's happening to me then. Ms. J started to introduce us one by one. From Mr. E, then Mr. P, and lastly to Mr. J. When Mr. J and I shook hands, I rapidly removed my hand from him in millisecond. Yes, that fast. It felt awkward for me when we touched. I got too nervous, yet trying to be calm. I am familiar with that feeling - it SPARKED out of me, but I didn't tolerate it. I really don't want to feel it that time.
I just whispered at the back of my head this question since then: "Lord God, what's your plan again? I've been through a very deep pain and I know you witnessed it - I almost lost control when my heart got broken the last time. I don't like this feeling please."
During movie time, it was a jam-packed cinema overly filled with Harry Potter Fans. We opted to seat on the left area, just 3 rows away from the movie screen. Yeah, a total stiff neck. Ouch! But still glad because we still had an area for us to occupy with. I sat on the 2nd seat of our row. On my right was Ms. J and on my left was Mr. A - their late perk (as always, as they tease him). Mr A is the closest to Ms. J, they used to talk and share stories a lot. They kept on chatting before the movie started. Since I am seated in between them, I voluntarily asked if they want to switch seats with me. Ms. J accepted my offer, as long as we're still seated beside each other.
Seats changed. I fully rested my back on my new seat, 'til i found out that the man on my right was Mr. J. I didn't have any idea since it's dark inside the movie house. My nerves and my heart beat became active and I felt the same feeling again that I used to avoid few minuted ago after we shook hands.
I know Mr. J wants to talk to me during that time, maybe to introduce himself more properly. I often caught him staring at me at some point during our walks after we watched the movie. He also kept on following me when we were strolling inside the malls' department store.
On our way home, each of us parted ways, saying goodbye and thank yous for a day-well-spent. Before Ms. J dropped off, I borrowed her mobile phone because I need to send a message to my mom. After sending, I know it's not right to invade someone's privacy but I looked after Mr. J's mobile number. I tried to memorize his 11-digit number and told my self secretly that: "I have a feeling that he will ask Ms. J for my number and will send me a message soon." Too much confidence made me crazy. I had to shut my inner gut feel up because of that thought. HAHA!
Mr. J's first text message came last December-20-2005 asking if we could be friends.
I replied to him: "Why? Why me?"
He responded: "Maybe because I have a crush on you."
Yay! I almost jumped out of my seat after reading his respond. See? My gut feel was never wrong the moment I secretly memorized his number the day we first met. =P
I know Mr. J and I had the same feeling. We both SPARKED.
After getting to know each other more, he's very patient and courted me for half a year. Even before we became an official couple, we've been through a lot of ups and downs already. I don't want to commit wholeheartedly, while he's willing to take a chance. I am afraid to fall in love all over again, and will get broken into pieces when things won't work. But Mr. J was persuasive, he's too willing to give it a try to avoid regrets.
We've almost given up when were still in the middle of courtship. We always opposed each others' point of views. I just want us to be mutual, but he wants to commit seriously. I was afraid to risk again, yet he's willing to give his all.
'Til one day, Mr. J was gone, everything stopped in a blink of an eye. He didn't communicate even. He's not replying to my messages. These last few words I heard straight from him when I called him during his June birthday broke me into tears: "Sorry A, but I think, I am not ready yet to have a girlfriend." It's a sudden transition that I am not used to. I missed him - a lot. I had full of regrets since I didn't give him chance to try. I felt lost once again and this time, it's mainly my fault.
I woke up one morning with these thoughts: "Why shouldn't I give it a try? All I need is to have a courage to express what I really feel inside. I need to stop wondering for buts and what ifs. I need to be strong and make a stand for the sake of my unexpressed feelings. Because if I won't, I will probably lost the love of my life - forever. Yes, I love him. I love him too much that I can't contain the pain of losing him."
I always found myself inside the church, talking to God.
Asking for Signs. Crying a lot of times. Praying so hard.
"God, if Mr. J is the one that You've chosen for me, please let him realize that I am now ready. Let him know that I can now love him the way he wanted to be loved without hesitations. Please bring him back to me."
The last sign I asked to God was: "If Mr. J will not come back before August-01-2006, I will no longer wait for him. I will now face the reality that maybe we're not really meant to be together. I will give up on him, and finally move forward with my life - all alone."
Midnight of July 20th, and I am still wide awake - listening to some sort of love songs, reminiscing, when I received an unexpected text message saying:
"A, sorry for being a bad guy these past few months. I tried so hard to understand your feelings but I came to a point where I can't really handle what you are up to. I decided to stop and give you space, maybe that way you can realize things and your feelings towards me. By doing that, I am hurt too - because I have to fight and hold my own feelings for you. I wondered because I am the one who had a realization. I still love you, and nothing has changed. Now, I am willing to understand you as a whole and wait for you until such time that you are ready to love me back without fear. If you have time and if you want to, get to see me this coming Sunday - let's hear a mass together at 4:30 PM. Sorry again for hurting you. I Love You so Much A."
I cried while reading this message from him, tears of joy that finally - he's coming back to me once more. And I am sure this time, I will not let it pass.
God is so great for answering all of my prayers and gave the signs that I've asked for. By then, I didn't even think twice. I learned to let go all of the hesitations and put my trust to the Man-Up-Above.
I gave Mr. J my "Sweetest Yes" way back July-30-2006, inside a church where I always prayed for God's guidance when it comes to love decisions. As per my last sign, that was a day before August-01-2006. =)
God has his own ways of surprising us.
There's a saying that: "If it's bound to happen, it will surely happen. No matter how you refuse and avoid it. That is WILL OF GOD."
The rest of our story up until now will become our history that we will always treasure all trough the waking days of our lives. =)
xoxo,
AnJ ♥
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